Last week, between new nerd responsibilities at work, watching old Sisqo videos, and potting the new pineapple plant, I barely had any time to tackle Martha Stewart again in what I had promised would be a weekly feature. But today, I got back into it. The results of this hot curmudgeonly WASP on WASP action follow...
(From Martha Stewart's Top 50 Money Saving Tips, 22 Decorating on a budget, 19 Don't Toss Those Leftovers, 16 Repurposed Furniture and Decor, and 27 Recycled Crafts.)
Clothing swap or drag estate sale? Either way, it's basically all of my dreams come true. And I hope y'all know you need to come correct and alert me if you're getting rid of anything with sequins, nucka.
Microfiber cloths? Where have I seen those before? Write your own rhymes, bitch, before it gets to a Lil Kim/Nicki Minaj level beef. Still, obviously, I cosign on this. I do think you need to come up with a storage solution for dirty cloths if they're going to be a practical option, and you need to have enough of them on hand so that you can use a fresh one every time. The ones I just bought recommend laundering them in a mesh garment bag, so I'm thinking that you could have a separate garbage can (or a five gallon bucket?) just for them, with a mesh garment bag in it, and that way you're not mixing them in with your daily laundry. I'd say you maybe need like 20 of them? But an 8 pack of paper towels is $15.79, so I think you'd start saving money within a month or two. A case of 12 is $40 at the Brooklyn Home Depot, OR on Amazon, you can get a 36 pack of Zwipes for $22.75 AND yes, it's eligible for Super Saver shipping.
I mean, to be real, my ass is just going to use newspaper, probably, and that's if I even manage to get my act together enough to buy you a real present that isn't a bottle of Svedka at all. But Martha's gay ass ideas about using birch bark, old timey maps, and sweaters (apparently, sweater repurposing is not limited to just Grey Gardens headwraps anymore) are kind of tight.
Apparently, you can turn a cast iron skillet over and use it as a pizza stone and cast iron skillets last "at least 50 years." They also add iron to your diet. And let's be real, I'll buy anything that involves rubbing oil all over something. Even if that something is a questionable craigslist home massage.
Wines often cost more when they come from a well-known wine-making region or are made from a popular grape. So rather than heading straight for a familiar bottle, try something different: Instead of Chardonnay, Cabernet Sauvignon, or Merlot, try Albarino, Malbec, or Sangiovese. Chile, New Zealand, Australia, and South Africa are newer wine-producing countries that make good-quality bargain wines. You can also ask the store manager about any specials. If a store gets a deal from the distributor, the savings may be passed on to you."
Okay, but aren't we all just buying cheap wine from Trader Joe's anyway, unless we haven't thought ahead and are forced to go to the bougie store twice in one day post drunk brunch with Kelly?
Last time I checked, candle purchases weren't exactly devouring my paychecks, unless I'm back at the Yankee Candle land of dreams, but I'll bite- you use the leftover ends of candles and old teacups to make new candles. Or, you could do what I do and just put your old candle on the radiator. Done! And all without the use of a double boiler or having to steal from foppish dandies.